I would seriously get cable if there were a James Spader network.

James Spader says William Shatner smells like lamb sausage"

Mark Frauenfelder:

James Spader and William Shatner bedded down together during a taping of Boston Legal. Spader describes Shatner's body aroma like this: 'He had a very sort of, a strangely very attractive sort of pungent sort of gamey, sort of a venison or a lamb sausage... and a little bit of rosemary with a touch of ranch dressing.' Link (via Eye of the Goof)"

(Via Boing Boing.)

Dave's new show premieres June 7th:

CBS ANNOUNCES "FIRE ME…PLEASE," A NEW REALITY SERIES IN WHICH PARTICIPANTS VIE FOR A PINK SLIP

Hosted by Dave Holmes ("Total Request Live")

FIRE ME…PLEASE is a new four-episode, one-hour reality series that follows two people starting new jobs on the same day, with the goal of intentionally being fired as close to 3:00 PM as possible. The hidden camera series will premiere Tuesday, June 7 (9:00-10:00 PM, ET/PT) on the CBS Television Network. Dave Holmes ("Total Request Live") will host.

To most people, getting fired seems like it would be the end of the world but, what if getting fired meant winning $25,000? On FIRE ME…PLEASE, participants begin jobs at the same time in the morning with the goal of getting fired as close to 3:00 PM as possible. The one getting fired closest to 3:00 PM without going over wins the cash prize. Contestants are not allowed to ask to be fired, break the law or say they are on a game show. As participants push the envelope to earn their pink slip, hidden cameras capture the action as they drive their managers and co-workers crazy with outrageous behavior.

Dave Holmes is a writer/actor/comic who started out on the comedy circuit and became a VJ on MTV in 1998. While at MTV, he hosted "Total Request Live," "Say What Karaoke" and "120 Minutes," among others. Currently, Holmes has a recurring role on "Reno 911," and a guest starring role on "Mad TV."

Eric Schotz ("Kids Say the Darndest Things") and Bill Paolantonio ("Kids Say the Darndest Things") are the executive producers for LMNO Productions and Magic Molehill Productions in association with BBC Worldwide. Colin Davis and Robin Meltzer are executive producers for BBC Worldwide.

Jean Snow writes:

Last night I caught a great profile on NHK spotlighting a young shojo (girl’s manga) artist getting into the business.

The first thing that sort of surprised me was how she looked. Contrary to the image I have of most manga creators (read: very otaku-style with no fashion sense whatsoever), this young girl (she’s 22) was very into fashions and accessories. My first thought was that, yeah, this makes sense, since shojo manga tends to be very fashion-conscious (the costumes and accessories of the characters). But Yuko assured me that she was actually an exception, and that the vast majority of people working in the manga field (men and women) do fit into the nerdy-image we have of them.

As they explained how she’d gotten into the business, they gave a good rundown of how the system works within the major weekly comics — without naming the comic they were referring to, it can be assumed it was one of the top ones, probably RIBBON. They way it works is that you have maybe 10 artists that have weekly serials. They’re the big names. Then you have a second tier of creators that get serials published maybe 2 times a month. Finally, at the bottom rung, and the level where most creators start, are about 40 artists that have one-shot type stories that are published once a month.

Read the rest here.

So we're going to drown -- so what? Look how cute we'll be when we go!

'

STILL behind, so I still have to be brief:

- Training is going well. We're weight training Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Yesterday we ran (read: Laurenn ran, I alternated walking and running 1 1/2 - 2 minutes at a time) 2 miles, Tuesday night we biked 8 miles. Saturday is our first swim clinic.

- OH MY GOD. Good running shoes make all the difference in the world. Who knew?! (Millions of runners knew, apparently.) My shoes were spendy -- about $80 -- but I HAVE NO SHIN SPLINTS. My right knee felt a little funky running yesterday, but it wasn't painful, just...well, I was aware of it. But yeah, good shoes? World of difference. I'm also very glad we went to the running shop to get fitted for them. I usually wear a 6 1/2 shoe, a 6 1/2 narrow when I can find one - sometimes, a 7. My running shoes are a size 8. I had a hard time believing that could be right but they're insanely comfortable, so, uh, yeah. Now I know.

- I'm almost one third of the say along in my fundraising efforts! Have I told you about the boy in whose honor I'm doing this? His name is Nick and he's 8 years old. He has a sheltie named "Zak," and he wrote his name on a little bracelet for me to wear during the race.

Terry's donation just bumped me up to 23%! Only $80 more to 25%!

One of the new projects I mentioned below is a project Laurenn and I came up with as a fundraiser/thank you to donors. I can't get into it right now, but stay tuned.

Thank you:

Dave
Amity & Robert
Kiyoung and Craig
Adrienne
Greg
Merry
Carl
Maggie
Mom & Frank
and Terry!

A few thank you notes have already gone out, the rest will follow soon. I'll also make sure you get the thing Laurenn and I are going to do -- if you want one.

How's that for oblique?

I lost most of my weekend, so I am waaaaaaay behind. Quick check in:

- Applejack isn't doing so well. He's not in mortal danger or anything, but he's having a very hard time with, um, his sphincter muscle. We had to take him to the emergency room Saturday night, then back to his regular vet this morning. He'll be okay, but we're having a hard time -- all of us. Thank God Laurenn's here -- she's been so helpful.

- Group training Saturday morning went well. Or well-ish. 3 miles; I walked more than I ran, but I ran more than I thought I could. My legs weren't all that troublesome (I was a little stiff yesterday and I have a little bit of a shin splint), but my cardiovascular fitness has a ways to go. I felt like my lungs were full of lighter fluid. At one point I thought, "Oh, screw this. I can't do this. I'm dropping out." But then I remembered that I told the internet I'd do it and the internet would mock me if I dropped out. So when faith and commitment fail you, there's always pride and fear. Whatever works, I guess. My desire to quit was fleeting.

- After the training was the Fitness Seminar, followed by Laurenn and I doing some shopping (poor Fraction handled Applejack wrangling at home) for running gear -- including fancy running shoes that will, hopefully, help with the shin splints.

Now, back to work. I'm behind on multiple projects. I may throw up.

(I have a few new projects to tell you about, but it's going to have to wait, alas.)

Training

Biked 5.4 miles: I didn't think to keep track of how long it took. (Oops. I'm new at this.)

We were on a pretty flat course, so the distance wasn't terribly difficult. The biggest problems I had were in my upper body: the grip is terribly uncomfortable so by the end, my hands were killing me; I was nervous, so I was riding with my shoulders up at my ears; and I didn't have enough balance or strength to really take my hands off the handlebars without the bike going all wobbly. That last bit kept me from being able to change gears. Ha ha.

So. I need padded gloves and I need to see about having the gear shifts moved up to where I can reach them with my thumbs.

Tomorrow is our first group run and the fitness seminar.

Fundraising

Great progress in the fundraising arena! I'm 21% of the way to my goal already and I haven't written my first letter yet. I've started making lists of businesses I want to approach and general fundraising ideas. I'm still trying to think of something neat to send to sponsors as a thank you. I sent one batch of handwritten thank you notes (the first day's sponsors) but that doesn't seem like quite enough.

Superfluity

- I started checking out Beginner Triathlete.
- Dave has decided to do this event with us!

I just took Applejack in for his surgery. I'll let you know how it goes.

I know you're all deeply concerned.

UPDATE: I called to check on him and they said everything was going fine, but he was still in surgery and I should call and check on him again around 2pm, when he's out and they've had some time to assess how he's doing.

(He thanks you all and suggests you send him some chicken. Or tennis balls. Or tennis balls made of chicken.)

Also, I just found this: Applejack Chicken.

UPDATE: He did fine in surgery, he can stand and walk a little but he does so gingerly. The vet wants to keep him over night just so he's safe (so he doesn't hurt himself or try to do too much, I think). Fraction will go pick him up in the morning at 11 and meet with the doctor.

You are Lady Julia Mottram, nee Flyte. You are
beautiful and chic
and beloved, but you aren't
happy.


What Brideshead Revisited character are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Gah.

Woke up in a mode this morning and picked a fight about superhero comics with Laurenn, championing a position that -- if people actually did what I wish they would do -- would cause the industry to collapse on itself.

Well, I didn't pick a fight (it didn't get nasty or anything) so much as I picked a ludicrous debate.

A few minutes later, as I was carrying water out to the windowboxes I realized I was just being pissy.

Nothing like a little humility to sour your breakfast.

A Weight Watcher's POINTS calculator widget would be swell. It'll never happen of course -- they just now got around to making their site FIREFOX*-friendly and they have a nasty habit of issuing cease and desist letters to anyone who tries to fill a need before they get to it.

And don't even get me started on the bugs in their searchable online food database.

Still, they're the best program going and it's much easier for me to track online than it is to use the floppy journals, so I'll keep paying for the online service and my complaints will continue to lack teeth.

...But a girl can dream.

___

* For some reason, I always call it FOXFIRE, which makes Laurenn point and laugh. We both thought it was a Clint Eastwood movie, but I just looked it up and the 1982 movie is actually FIREFOX. It's all so confusing.

Kari -- or anyone else who wants to help -- the button above links to my donation site and is available for posting on your blog. Use the following code:

[a href="https://www.active.com/donate/tntmida/kellysue"][img src="http://www.kellysue.com/images/imagestopost/tntbutton.jpg"][/A]

...obviously, replace the brackets with the proper "<" and ">".

And here's the text for my page:

en·dur·ance, n.

1. The act, quality, or power of withstanding hardship or stress.
2. The state or fact of persevering.
3. Continuing existence.

My name is Kelly Sue DeConnick. I make my living writing the English adaptations of Japanese comic books ("manga") and novels. I am not an athlete. I'm not even especially athletic, but I've committed to completing an endurance event -- specifically, the Pacific Grove Triathlon in September -- as a member of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Team In Training.

The day I signed up I couldn't run a mile with a gun to my head, I hadn't been swimming in 4 years and though I'd been given a fancy road bike, I'd been too intimidated to actually ride it. At all. So what was I thinking?

That's a complicated answer, but in essence, I was thinking about commitment; I was thinking about endurance.

I'd just celebrated an important anniversary and I was looking back on my life, marveling at what I'd been able to accomplish when I'd given myself over to hope, to faith, to the faintest possibility of success. I was thinking about how difficult it is to maintain that hope in the face of even everyday obstacles, the worst of which for me are self-doubt and fatigue.

I've been very lucky in my life. Born in an affluent nation, into a loving -- if eccentric -- family, blessed with good health, an exciting vocation, creative friends and the most amazing husband any girl could ask for, I still have trouble hanging in there some days. Like you, I do battle with boredom, hopelessness, stress, exhaustion, anger. I fight to maintain my faith, to hang in there, to endure. I manage, but I have countless blessing -- including my health.

How do people face critical illness and hold onto their hope, how do they endure it?

The answer, I think, is a combination of faith, commitment and support.

Faith -- whether it be in a higher power, in oneself or in the possibility of a favorable outcome -- faith is not something that can be given, it is something that must be found, usually stumbled upon in the dark.

Commitment and support, however, can be given generously.

As I train, I am engaging in an exercise of faith. I am offering my commitment and support to individuals and families for whom the struggle to endure in the face of hardship is anything but abstract. I have committed to raising $3700 to help ease the burdens of those individuals and I am turning to you, my community and asking for your help.

If you should have any questions about the Society, blood cancers or this event -- or if you would like me to add your friend or relative to list of honorees in whose names my teammates and I train, please feel free to e-mail me at kellysue@kellysue.com.

Thank you!

My donation page: here.

No pictures yet; placeholder text. I've got to get back to work now -- oy! -- but at least the page is set up.

This is the URL if you want to pass it along:

https://www.active.com/donate/tntmida/kellysue

So first there was me and my bloody pee and "clumping white blood cells," then, yesterday, I walked in on Fraction holding his lower lip about a foot and a half out from his face so that the medicated gel he just put on his fearsome canker sore could dry.

Then today I take the dog to the vet, only to discover his anal gland problems are worsening such that he requires surgery (EDITED TO ADD: The surgery is called ANAL SACCULECTOMY. Say it out loud. It's fun.) Apparently when they went to express his glands they "didn't even get up in there to release them." (The mind boggles.) The tech (who I am certain is not paid enough) touched them and they blew like Vesuvius. This only three weeks after his last, um, expression. So I talk anal glands with the tech and the vet and then call Fraction to report. We decide the poor dog's got serious quality-of-life issues with his butt on fire one week out of three. We opt for surgery and schedule it first thing on Friday morning. He's going to have his anal glands removed, poor lad.

Theoretically this will take care of the humping problem, too. (Our Captain is the object of many, many affections at the Penn Valley dog run. It's bad. We've actually had to leave the park a couple of times because of the humping. He's the Klaudia Figura of the afternoon playgroup. It's not -- how you say? -- kid-friendly.)

Oh, and a couple weeks ago Ham "marked" our down comforter. We were just about to put him on anti-depressants when Craig at The Barkery suggested we try Feliway in a last-ditch effort. It seems to be working. Of course, I can't actually smell the voodoo-bullshit feline facial hormone we're supposedly atomizing via the electrical outlet about a foot and a half from our bed but...I know it's there. I can't decide quite how I feel about that.

Then Laurenn, who suffers from insomnia, asks me to help her open the container of Valerian she has to swallow in order to get to sleep before, oh, 3 am. "It stinks like dirty feet," she warns me.

SHE IS NOT KIDDING.

I open the bottle and -- my hand to God here -- the odor is nothing short of noxious. It's like some kind of foot fungus mustard gas. My head snaps back automatically. "You put that in your mouth?!" I ask incredulously.

She snatches her bottle back and gives me the puppy dog eyes for mocking her infirmity.

I pee blood, Fraction has a flesh-eating virus on his lip, Applejack's anal glands fester bi-weekly, Ham can only be tolerated as long as we're all breathing feline facial hormone and Laurenn can't sleep unless she swallows STINK ITSELF.

That leaves only chill and trouble-free Pablo, the Marilyn Munster of our sexy, sexy abode.

MicroKnit's knitPro web service will convert any digital image into a knit, crochet, needlepoint and cross-stitch pattern.

KnitPro's part of a larger movement of folks knitting the logos of large brand sweatshop employers "to promote discussion on how advertising, labor, production and consumption relate."

knitPro [microRevolt via Make:blog]

[Lifehacker]

Bugbert models his hat. He's so cute I want to bite his little cheeks.

(Your Auntie Kelly Sue adores you already, Mr. Bugbert.)

Everybody familiar with the daruma? If not, there's a good explanation here. I'm smitten with them.

Okay. So I got this daruma for New Year's from Fraction's folks and I've resisted dedicating it until The Very Thing presented itself.

Day before yesterday I decided The Very Thing had presented itself and I dedicated my daruma to The Triathlon at Pacific Grove. Theoretically -- if I can meet my fundraising commitment and if my daruma does his thing -- Laurenn and I are going to participate in September as part of the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. My friend Dave Holmes did it earlier this year and never has a program had a more enthusiastic supporter. He described it as the most amazing, life-changing accomplishment of his life and he practically bribed me to go to the informational meeting. So I went.

There's no way for me to really tell you about it without it coming off as sappy and hyperbolic. Let's just say I was sufficiently moved and I signed up.

It sounds impossible, I know. At present, I couldn't run one mile with a gun to my head, let alone six. Fraction thinks I've lost my mind, but the team coaches assure me they've got plenty of time to get me there physically and, well, it's been five years since I gave myself over to the impossible. I'm ready for another miracle.

(I have to raise A LOT of money to make this happen ($3700), so be assured you'll hear more about this as training progresses.)

Five years clean and sober today.

Thanks for the flowers, babe.

Spent last night in the emergency room peeing blood. How's that for a sexy evening? Bad bladder infection apparently. On antibiotics and pain pills; probably won't post much over the next couple days.

No worries, though -- Fraction and Laurenn are looking after me. Laurenn's first night here, too. First Ham kicked her out of the guest room, then we woke her up for a trip to the ER.

Think she'll ever come visit again?

Brideshead Revisted 2005?

Huh.

Last night's supper from Nigella Lawson's Forever Summer. We made the Braised Little Gems, too, but the picture wasn't that great.

Spent the morning at home WITH MY HUSBAND, which was novel and nice, like getting the best new roommate in the world - except I don't have to move my stuff to make room for his stuff, because his stuff is already here.

Then we ran errands. Sexy, sexy errands.

I picked up a copy of Nigella Lawson's Forever Summer and Fraction and I made our grocery list and meal plan over lunch at Panera, selecting 3 of Nigella's recipes to try this weekend. Well, we'll try the flatbread pizzas if we can find a place in town to buy za'atar. Maybe this is our excuse to go find the Penzey's in Overland Park? They stock it on their site, anyway. We picked up some Halloumi cheese at the Better Cheddar and I couldn't resist frying it up as soon as we got home. Yum.

We also hit Whole Foods and Target (where we almost bought an ice cream maker, but then decided against it. I did pick up this insanely cute laptop bag) and Waldo Pets...

...where we bought two turtles. We've named them Ike and Tina Turtle. Photos soon, I'm sure.

Pray for us.

EDITED TO REPAIR LAPTOP BAG LINK.

Xtop, I'm looking at you:

AirFrance.com has Europe Early Bird Specials from $299 rountrip! [from Cheap Stingy Bastard]

Huh. A german photo catalog of musician's feet.

That's Bon Jovi. Or, Bon Jovi's feet. Nice boots.

[Thanks, Theron.]

Schoolin'.

Xtop took this picture of me feeding Applejack a doggie custard.

I just heard something on Talk of the Nation about Mike being up next to talk about Soul Coughing, life on the road, napster, etc.

I can't find anything on their site about it...Is it "up next" today or tomorrow? I guess I'll just listen find out.

EDITED TO ADD: Here we go.

Rodeo Tandem Beat Specter *was* on my system. I've listened to it countless times.

Today? Not on my system. Not on my iPod. No idea why.

I didn't steal it! I bought it from iTunes. Where'd it go??

(I tried CHECK FOR PURCHASED MUSIC in the ADVANCED menu. No luck.)

Today's the big day! Mike's record "drops" today.

It does not "hit." It "drops."

(Don't ask him "When does your record hit?" because he will make fun of you.)

Go show Mike some iTunes love.

I recommend in particular I Hear the Bells.

Not an iTunes type? Amazon's Haughty Melodic page.

It feels so very good to know I'm not the only retard who can't manage an electronic PDA.

Viva la index card.

Does anybody out there actually sleep on one of these?

I slept on a memory foam mattress once at a friend's place and it was pretty sweet. Do the toppers actually produce that same effect? Do you have to buy a bigger size sheet?