Jon says: A while back, I bought myself a digital camera. It's a great camera, actually -- small, lightweight, easy to use, reasonable resolution. And when I say small, I mean small -- covers about half my palm, fits in my pocket real nice-like. So I take it with me everywhere I go.

At the time, I lived in the Noe Valley, and found myself walking down 24th St. kind of a lot, usually to get one of those Peasant Pies or to the Coyote, which has since been renamed the Valley Tavern and is not quite the same, I gather. Anyway, I noticed that a lot of people seemed to be walking dogs, or babies, or both. And when they went inside stores, they'd tie the dogs up to whatever seemed handy (usually a parking meter) while they went inside to do their business.

Something about these dogs seemed really funny to me. I don't know what it is; dogs just make me smile. And since I had my camera on me, I got into the habit of taking their pictures. I started to accumulate these pictures gradually, and it's occurred to me that maybe I ought to share them with the world. There you go.

We bought a house. This house:

We are people who have a mortgage.

It is on the house you see pictured.

Us. They gave us keys and everything.

You should buy a house, too.

So, I have my homepage set to apple.netscape.com - I don't know why, I think it came like this and I've never bothered to reset it.

One of today's headlines reads:

Is She Fibbing? Lies Women Tell

A study showed that 60 percent of women lie at least once during a 10-minute conversation.

WHAT?? says me. What kind of crap is this? So, I click on the link, and the article in question reads:

Not only are women frequent fibbers -- a University of Massachusetts study showed that 60 percent of both men and women lie at least once during a ten-minute conversation -- women are considered better at it, since they're generally better speakers and inspire more credibility.

Emphasis mine. Obviously.

Here's article in question.

There are days when I wish I could blow people up with my mind.

...

No lie.

This infuriates me to the point of frothing.

Elvis had it right.

'Cold Case Cowboys' Solve Old Crimes

DOUGLAS COUNTY, Ore. — Their eyesight isn't as keen as it once was, there's definitely a hitch in their giddyup and they only work a couple days a week.

Yet a cold case squad assembled in Douglas County (search), Ore., has solved its first two murder cases and is now working on its third.

The sheriff who put the cold case squad together admits that it was largely a public relations move. But officials have been pleasantly surprised by the team's success.

Have you been thinking to yourself, "Gee, the finishing touch my pretty new Pottery Barn coffee table really requires is an entire book devoted to the care and grooming of feminine public hair"?

Lucky you:

I think the Kim Catrall quote is my favorite part.

My blog isn't configured for categories, but I use them anyway. I have one called "my cool friends." Guess what category this is.

I have such a crush on Jane Almirall, I fear I make her boyfriend uncomfortable with my fawning. Truly, she is a marvel. Funny and talented and hot and talented and girly and oh m--she's a hoot.

She painted this:

Better still, she drew this.

If you know her, you should write to her and tell her how great I am and how she should call me and we should hang out all the time. Describe for her the fun we will have. How we will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Go ahead. Tell her.

Discovered over at House's house, this freaks me out.

My friend Phil's band is playing in the Boston area on Thursday:

Our list so far, alphabetized by first name because it doesn't require any effort on my part:

Aimee Bender
Al Franken
Anthony Bourdain
Augusten Burroughs
Bailey White
Bill Bryson
Bruce Robinson
C.D. Payne
Carl Hiaasen
Chuck Klosterman
Chuck Palahniuk
Cintra Wilson
dan gleason
David Rakoff
David Sedaris
Dorothy Parker
Garrison Keillor
George Saunders
Glen Duncan
Hollis Gillespie
Ian Frazier
Jerome K. Jerome
Joe R. Lansdale
Jonathan Ames
Jonathan Swift
Kinky Friedman
Laurie Notaro
Mark Leyner
Mark Twain
Merill Markoe
Molly Ivins
Neal Pollack
Nicholson Baker
Paul Feig
PG Wodehouse
Robert Benchley
Roy Blount
Sandra Tsing Loh
Sarah Vowell
T. Coraghessen Boyle
Terry Pratchett
Tim Cahill
Tom Robbins
Woody Allen

Our first date was in November of 2001 at a protest against the bombing of Afghanistan. We wore pink. There were thirty other people clad in drab colors and two wizards. We felt uninspired and ineffective. This continued for a couple of protests. Then, in March of 2002, we decided to organize.

At the Pink Bloque’s first official meeting, we were introduced to Darrin Hensen, choreographer for such popular acts as Britney Spears and N’Sync. For $29.95, he promised to teach us to dance just like these stars! ...

It's that time of year when I start to get excited about the horses again.

Offered for your consideration: Smarty Jones.

First, his name is SMARTY JONES.

Second, HIS NAME IS SMARTY JONES.

Also, he's fast. But most importantly, HIS NAME IS SMARTY JONES.

Name me some funny writers. Humorists. David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell are givens. Keep going.

Check you out, Antony.

(Alan Moore fans take special note.)

Overwhelmed by the enormity of it? Me, too. But this is doable: Mason-Dixon Knitting Community Project.

Autobioboring
when to meet with Linetta?
when to talk to Dennis?
retro-fit deadline math*
extra yoga to syphen off stress
remember to take music to class on Sunday
laundry
dishes
beg cats to stop shedding on everything
pick a place to collect magazine clippings
SP4-2 - 3/31
First 30 pages of DoD by Monday
sleep
KFL - 3/31
e-mail travel itinerary to Jordan - done
start DoD glossary
it's not that bad, you just have to stay on top of it
groceries...?
water, exercise, vitamins
boxes
start getting up earlier
next round on circle journals will have to wait a little longer
make copies of reports for Pop
send flyer to Grandma DeConnick
choose your reward
30 minutes to organize is time well spent
beg the cats to stop destroying everything
reply to Maggie or just call
make hair appointments

* Deadline Math - my name for figuring out how many pages need to be done on each assignment each day, in order to meet monthly deadlines.

Suuuuuure.

Like an invisible personal trainer, they subtly strengthen and engage, increasing precious blood flow to 'problem areas' every moment you have them on. They're coveted by cottage-cheese afflicted supermodels, moms and athletes alike. They tone muscles, better your balance, improve posture, help varicose veins and-- God save the Queen-- have been known to swiftly sack cellulite. One British report measured a 50% reduction in a month. Unfortunately available in limited quantities, we'd suggest you order yours quickly.

...and a bargain at only $234.

A-Z Courtesy of Janey Jane Jane Jane:

And my favorite, X:

I posted those because I fancy illustrated alphabets, however you really should check out her thesis work.

Er ... my bad.

Here we go.

"ROCKITY ROLL features six new Mike Doughty songs, recorded in a stripped-down style - just Doughty, his guitar and a drum machine. "

MESSAGE FROM ANN RICHARDS:

On April 25th, every major organization in the nation that works on behalf of a woman's right to choose when or whether to bear children will have a march in Washington, D.C. I was reluctant to go. I thought, "been there, done that"......." time for the next generation to take up the battle"......etc. Then I went to see "Iron Jawed Angels", the HBO movie about the women's suffrage movement and I was so moved by the tenacity and commitment of those women that I realized that I have not been doing enough in recent years to help the Choice cause. I have written checks and made a few speeches, but I have not been really fighting. We cannot allow ourselves to think that we can rest. We must continue to fight for the rights of women and we must all be in Washington on April 25th. Please put it on your calendar. It is necessary for you to make hotel and plane reservations now. It is my understanding that for those of you in Texas, Southwest Airlines and American Airlines will give special rates to those attending. This year is a crucial year for women. Our rights and freedoms are under attack as never before. Pass on this email or your own message to your email list. I will see you at the march.

-- Ann

From my referral stats:

6 http://paris-hilton-video.blogspot.com
5 http://www.nudecelebblogs.com
3 http://britneyspearsnude.blogspot.com
2 http://video.famousass.com
2 http://www.femalecelebrity.net/nonnude/
1 http://www.freenudecelebrity.net/
1 http://superbowl-janet-jackson.blogspot.com/

From my search string stats:

"miss hulk naked"

Dude. Seriously. This is all the same person, isn't it?

Anybody out there subscribe to a British home design magazine called LIVING ETC.?

Dottie Danger 4Evah, Dude.

On April 25th, join CAKE and thousands of other organizations in The March for Women's Lives.

If you are interested in a seat on the CAKE BUS to Washington, email erin@cakenyc.com with your name and email and you will receive all the information you need to come along.

Posted by kellysue at 02:55 PM | talk to me (0)

The Unknown

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

—Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing

One better.

Why do things like this make me laugh so hard?

I seriously think I'm retarded.

JAN042827 SENSUAL PHRASE VOL 1 GN (MR) $9.95

Susannah Breslin sends the following WORK SAFE links:

Peeps:

Check this.

By this guy.

Snagged from this site.

Beautiful.

EDITED TO ADD: See the show here.

Japanese question related to an adaptation I'm doing:

Shaking one's head (as opposed to nodding) indicates a negative response in English. Does have the same meaning in Japan, or is it by chance an affirmative response?

E-mail me at kellysue@kellysue.com or respond in the comments box, please. Thanks.

(By the way, the amazon link for Sensual Phrase Vol. 2 is up.)

I'm hugely enamoured of these gorgeous neck/shoulder-wrap-scarf-thingies from the Dries Van Noten Fall Ready-To-Wear collection:

Sadly, I can't quite puzzle out their shapes.

New knitting magazine here:

I'm crazy about the Perky Poppy Pins.

Susannah Breslin dropped me an e-mail lamenting the absense of fart talk on this blog of late. What can I say? I haven't been particularly gassy lately. And you can't fake that sort of thing...it just wouldn't be right. I did have broccoli and edamame for dinner though so, my beautiful babies, there is hope for tomorrow.

I can report a voracious appetite over the last week. Like, tape-worm voracious. I don't know what's going on and I wish it would stop. It's making me feel a bit bulbous and I'm trying to teach myself to stripper dance from a book, and it's enough that I can hear all kinds of joints crunching and bones cracking, I don't need the additional saltpeter of added bloat. Seriously, I'm asking Fraction to burn me a cd to drown out the sound of my knees rotating like walking on gravel.

He's sitting across from me at this very moment working his way through his iTunes and giggling. I believe my stripper soundtrack thus far includes "Brandy," "Paradise City," "I Wanna Get With You (And Your Sister Debra)" and possibly the theme to The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

I'm not sure what to make of that last one.

Fraction passes along this goodie:

Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi: One of Japan's biggest pop music acts arrives in America, not with a massive stadium tour but as a cartoon. Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi, set to debut on Cartoon Network in December, follows the adventures of two very cool, but very different, pop stars as they travel from gig to gig or just hang out in their hometown of Tokyo. Ami is the peppy, positive and resourceful one. Yumi is the hard-rocking, no-nonsense cynic with an absolutely infallible sense of cool. Together, they take the world by storm, despite occasional misjudgments from their well-meaning but tragically square manager, Kaz. Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi also will feature live-action segments starring the real life Puffy AmiYumi as well as the group's catchy J-pop hits.

Links: Puffy Ami Yumi site; NICE cd, featuring the Teen Titan Theme (that tune which I have been known to sing aloud in grocery stores).

Here, Ham shows us how he dug my favorite hair bands -- the ones withe pink felt flowers -- out of the hair doo-dads bag and "planted" them in the toilet. Toilet flowers!

Fraction thought it was hilarious. I'm convinced it was revenge for this:

I am in some sort of auditorium, sitting next to my best friend. My family is there across the aisle -- mom, dad, nana, dudu, the whole brood. We are watching a performance by Jeff Pucillo. It's a graduation of some sort, I think. Performances at the end of a workshop, perhaps? Yes, I think so. Though I evidentally attended the workshop, I can't remember it. I have nothing prepared. I'll just do an old monologue, I decide. But I can't seem to remember more than a line or two. Frantically, I sift through my bookboag and my brain cells trying to find something suitable.

"Hello. Good Evening. Whatever..." "I am a villian. I have a job to do, and I'm going to do it." "...on gossamer wings..." "...e-l-e-e-m-o-s-y-n-a-r-y..."

I know if I can just find a copy of one of these and read through it, the whole thing will come back to me. They're all in my long term memory, I know they are. I'm just out of practice. I haven't used them since ... when?

My filing cabinet is in the house left aisle. (I always bring my filing cabinet with me to the theater, don't you?) Maybe there's a file? I rush over and start searching but I find only newspaper clippings and recipes.

Jeff's doing a fantastic job. He's singing now. I look over and my father is crying. The fuck? He made my father cry? People are spontaneously getting up and waltzing around the stage behind Jeff. He's giving the best performance anyone has ever seen. Lives are being altered by ART! Before my very eyes! I DO NOT WANT TO FOLLOW THIS. In a moment, they will call my name ... in just a moment ...

Cue the alarm clock.

I haven't read *any* of this yet, but here's a list of what I brought home with me and in some cases, how or why it ended up in my bag:

Paul Sloboda's Exit at the Axis, Issue One - Doesn't look particularly fabulous, but the guy was really charming and he was busting his ass without resorting to the dreaded hard sell. I wanted to support him, so I made a purchase. Might end up being wonderful - who knows?

August 3, 2000: A Joker Squad Story - The writer, David Robson, is an online acquaintance.

Bipolar #2-4: I couldn't remember if we had this already and Jeff Mason made me a deal. It turned out we did have it already. Oh, well.

Death Takes A Holiday No. 1 by Jim Massey: Dan Evans introduced me to Jim at Laurenn's opening on Friday night.

Urban Dreams: Latin American anthology including work by Santiago Cesares and Luis Sopelana, also online acquaintances.

An Axe Fell, and MAULED No. 1 & 2 from Manual Comics: Brian Musikoff was just handing these out for some reason. Awfully high quality stuff to just give away, but I'm not complaining.

Funwrecker APE Special: Courtesy of Dennis Culver.

When I Was A Little Girl and Ink Scum by Nora Aoyagi, who is a very, very cute girl.

An incredibly precious little zine called MARRIED that I picked up as a "gift" "for Fraction." That's my story and I'm sticking to it, as they say. Team Married really is the most awesomest team ever.

Town O'Crazies Volume 3, Issue 1 - Yum. This, and the two below are probably the APE goodies I'm most excited about. Well, and the I HATE COMICS buttons.

The Carbon Based Mistake Issue #10: I swear to god, I don't know what this book is, but I'm completely taken with the presentation. It's a thing of beauty. A mystery box. I'm loathe to examine it closely as I so do not want it to suck.

My Love is Dead: A Forlorn Funnies Book: Have you all read Mother, Come Home? I want to write it up for artbomb.net, but I fear I'll need a dual degree in Philosophy and Logic to do it properly.