Work:
Finish Carrier.
Finish Unnamed Book with (redacted).
Finish BGB, in some form.
Get into Bay Area Now.
Next thing, what ever that is.

Health:
Century
Marathon
Tri number 2!
Lose 15 AND KEEP IT OFF
SF to LA 5 day ride

Family:
Married
Kid(s?)

Lifestyle:
Own a… something. Condo. House. SOMETHING.
Travel more. Mexico, Europe, Japan
Paris for my birthday
Chanel suit

Most of this involves stuff I wanted to have done in five years back in 2001…

Okay, okay. Realistic list:

1) Get some writing published in hard-copy magazines (halfway there).

2) Get a regular film or TV criticism job (halfway there).

3) Finish a prose novel, have it not suck, get it published by a real publisher. A book that actually sells and gets awards and stuff can come later.

4) Personal: I’d like to have a serious romantic relationship. My experience to date has been 1) horrible, soul-crushing crushes, and 2) psychos I latched onto because of low self-esteem (mine and theirs). I’d really like to have a mature, mutually compatible relationship that doesn’t end in therapy.

5) Not have diabetes (sugar is my heroin).

6) Get a graphic novel/miniseries I’ve written illustrated and released (quarter of a way there).

That all seems pretty reasonable. Now, the actual doing the work part…

For a while, the feeling that despite my best efforts, there were so many big things in life that I could not control was almost crippling… but I’m learning to accept that life happens, and that there will always be things down the road that I can’t control, and I am learning to be okay with that - to not let the stress of the unknown incapacitate me. I do have goals and a fairly strong idea of what I’d like my life to be three or five years from now, but like E.Bess said, it’s better and more constructive for me to focus on the Big Thing rather than the details, and to allow myself a lot of flexibility.

In five years, I would like to be spending more time writing and less time coddling lawyers. I would like to be as happy and in love with my husband as I am today, and him with me. I would like for us to have had the opportunity to travel for our own enjoyment, and to be in a position to do so often - at least one big trip a year, plus frequent short getaways. Health-wise, I’d like to continue to have more good days than bad, and to be able to indulge in the things that make me feel better and hurt less more often than I can now.

Where and how this all comes together depends a great deal on what Mike and I as a team decide to do in the next year or two, but I feel confident that whatever happens, it will all turn out fine in the end. We’ll get to where we want and need to be.

Planning things down to the nines makes me feel in control (which I really need) but often when I finally look up, I realize that I haven’t been getting a lot done — kind of like the equivalent of shuffling paper around on my desk for an hour or whatever. The list (not the Uberlist, I’m talkin’ regular run of the mill to-do’s) ends up intimidating me instead of motivating me, nothing happens, and then I kick myself and feel shitty. I’ve been trying to find that magical balance of just enough of a list to keep me on track without having it bring me down. In practice that tends to come down to:

* Focusing on the Big Thing more than the details
* On the details tip, striving to take one small step towards the Big Thing every day

And I only get one Big Thing. I am notorious for scattering my energy around. Now, I try to align most of what’s in my life the one Big Thing, which for me is writing. That doesn’t mean that I don’t have other stuff going on, just that I try to be more aware of my choices and make sure that they’re either moving me forward on that path or bringing the balance back.

Next big move in service of my writing will be bidding the day job a gentle adieu in the new year. I’m still working out the details, but I’m aggressively working towards that.

Ah! I’ve babbled on far too long.

1. full-time fiction writer, comics and prose
2. buy a house

MAYBE kids by then (crazy, right? it’s true what they say about finding the right guy), but the work comes first, for both the dude and I.

I have a fairly secure job which is changing (promotion) here in the next few months. I hope to have made positive changes in my work environment in the next 5 years.

Over the next few years I really want to get a handle on projects and things that have been swirling in my head for the last few years.

I guess that’s it. Its all pretty vague right now but 5 years from now somehow seems pretty vague as well.

The items can be categorized as such:

Professional:
- Finish and present paper at “the academy” and at the Critical Issues Conference.
- Complete mentor project in Arizona.
- Revise Guidebook chapters. Finally.
- Be 5 years closer to retirement! (3-5 to go after that!)

Creatively:
- Teach at some special venues. Learn at some special venues.
- Learn the g-d caterpillar binding!
- Finish the two paintings hiding in closet or start over
- Write another couple of articles for the art rags

Health:
- Lose the last 10 after I lose the current 10
- Mini-tri or half marathon
- Climb Whitney again - or some other peak…San Jac will do, frankly.

Personal:
- Ride through Monument Valley, Blue Ridge Pkwy
- See a sunset at the Keys
- Redesign and redo back yard
- Get double pane windows for house
- Buy the second place…maybe that small loft we looked at in SD.
- Europe and Mediterranean

Do most of the above with Susan, except the riding…probably do that alone, at least part of the time. It’s a prett mundane list and honestly, it won’t matter in the long run as long as Susan is present. That’s key for me.

Year One: Get my feet back underneath me. Get halfway done with the Spoonman thing. Take the summer off.

Year Two: Feel confident about librarianing, confirm the flow of the building and the culture. Start music again. Finish Spoonman thing and continue discipline/schedule on next project (”Dispatch”?)

Year Three: Yeah, see… this is where my ability to see ahead falls apart. By this time I should know if I’m happy or ill-matched at work, and if they want to keep me. However, there will likely also be a new administration, so previously established habits may need to be reevaluated. Also, my flatmate will probably have moved out. This will be the year of change. Again.

Sooo… Year Five Wish List: Married, tenured, published. Full in the flow of day-to-day, picking at the threads of gradual improvement. A binder full of resources and plans, a calendar of known commodities and solid awareness and what to do next. Grounded in my where, comfortable ticking off my endless numbered days.

Really, I have a few small goals to achieve, nothing really unattainable. Which is good.